Flying Solo

Single.

Solo. Separated. Unattached. Lone. Only. Secluded. Private. Simple. Strange. Singular. Odd.

How can such a single word have so many meanings? (sorry, I had to).  How can it make one feel so alone? To some who are recently divorced, or have just lost a spouse, or just gotten out of a relationship, it may seem like being "back on the market" is the never ending nightmare to an already terrible situation.

I recently read a blog about a wife who had lost her husband. It is truly a heartbreaking story and I wouldn't wish that situation on anyone. There was one post though about how being "single again" was something that she had always dreaded. Granted she had children and suddenly she was all alone in raising them and although I don't fully understand what it's like to be in that situation, and I would never want that for me or anyone else, I couldn't help feeling like being "single" was one of her greatest fears.

In reading that post, it really made me step back and try and figure out what it was about being "single" that was so terrible. Why was she so afraid of it? Why is it such a bad thing? Or is it a bad thing?

I recognize that we as humans are not meant to live this life alone. We are sent down to all kinds of families and all kinds of cultures and lifestyles. We all have a mother and a father and whether or not we spend our lives with the ones that created us, we still have them. The history of the world is filled with stories upon stories both fiction and non fiction of finding a person that completes another person and falling madly in love and blah...blah...blah. I am however, not deluded enough to think that there is just one "soul mate" for anyone.

A couple of years ago my sweet Nana passed away leaving behind a loving husband who was her best friend and caretaker for many years. He was devastated. He spent a couple of months just kind of existing because even though he wouldn't admit it, he was heartbroken and lonely. I saw that big strong man cry in the sadness of her loss and shed tears of happiness and gratitude for the love that he shared with her as his wife.
It didn't take long for him to gather up the pieces and start looking for a "lady friend" as he called it. He is a very generous man and in talking to him, he told me that he just wanted someone to "take to the movies or go on a car ride. Nothing serious."
Well, he found someone and after a few months of car rides and movies, they were soon inseparable. It was like this 70+ year old man was suddenly a 16 year old boy just head over heels in love. All we heard about for the better part of a year was how sweet and amazing the new lady in his life was. And she truly is. She has brought so much life back into my Papa and I truly know that they were meant to be together. She too had lost her spouse and to see the happiness that those two bring to each other makes me so incredibly grateful. They were married last weekend and now I have even more family and I'm so thankful for that.
Just because my Nana passed away after 50 or so years of marriage, should my Papa have given up and said "well, that was a fun ride, guess I'll just hang out now until my time comes"? No. He did
exactly what he should've done. He found another "better half".

Whether it's a death, divorce, being single,  or whatever life brings you, it is and can always be a learning experience. Sometimes we are stripped of the things that we have worked so hard for and have sacrificed everything to achieve. Sometimes no matter what we do, we never receive the things we want so badly. Sometimes even though we think we know best, 100% of the time, there is someone that knows better.

We need to get back up on the proverbial horse and choose to be OK with the hand that life has dealt us. We have no control over other people's choices or actions and even though sometimes those choices and actions directly effect us, we have to choose to rise above. If the one we thought was "the one", and they aren't anymore, then you know what, they probably weren't. If we tragically loose someone, there is someone else waiting for us that will make us just as happy.

The hand that life has dealt me thus far is certainly not the one I thought I was going to get. I have had the greatest happiness I have ever known, and just like everyone else, at times I have to wonder if what I'm going through at a particular moment could be any worse. Pretty normal, right? But just like everyone else, I have to get up, get out of bed, put on my happy face, and try my hardest.

And I do it all by myself. Single. Alone. Unattached.

These words don't define me. They strengthen me.

I refuse to let the fact that I'm SINGLE reduce me to a stereotype. I'm not a stigma.

In this past year, I have come to know a lot about myself. I'm not afraid of being alone. I actually kind of like it. I'm strong. I'm confident. I have weaknesses. I have strengths. Although we all need to grow and progress, I'm comfortable with who and where I am. Sometimes I know what I want and sometimes I don't. I'm not afraid of the paths that are in my future. I get up everyday, I live my life, and I have nothing to complain about.

I'm taking this opportunity to say that if you're single, alone, lonely, unattached, abandoned, forgotten, removed, ignored, EMBRACE IT. You are stronger than what you're going through. You are far greater than you could ever imagine. Figure out who you are. Find out what you like about yourself. Face what you don't like about yourself and change it. Make yourself better. What makes you happy? What makes you sad? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say that you like that person? If you don't, change. Get to know yourself a little better and maybe someday, someone will be lucky enough to get to know you too. Make no apologies for who you are.

If you find yourself in a crappy situation whether it's self induced or not, take the opportunity to make it a learning experience. Instead of saying "what's wrong with this person or that person" turn inward and ask "what's wrong with me and how can I make ME better?" I am a living example that this works. There are a couple of people that are still living thanks to this little process. Believe me it's hard but you will learn so much about yourself and it will carry you through things you didn't think were possible.

We are all individuals. Single human beings that may or may not find another single human being to be single human beings together. We are made to be individually great and together, even greater. Be worthy of yourself and who you are meant to be. Realize that being a SINGLE, extraordinary, excellent, superior, uncommon, special PERSON starts with one.



This is one of my favorite songs.          Relient K Up and Up (acoustic)



Here are the lyrics:                                

 Yesterday
Was not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
But I'm finally catching onto it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the life there at the end
Is where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
Yeah I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

Now I have all that I could ever need
The confidence of knowing there's still time
Time to make amends and try to build a better me
And to take the right steps as this road unwinds

You see I'm finally catching onto it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the life there at the end
Is where I'll be
Ohh

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I'm not capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And now there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why

I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I'm not capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And now there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
(Trying to be a better version of me for you)
I'm just trying to be a better version of me
For you