I don't mean like when I was in high school and I faked a headache or a stomach bug just to get out of as assignment or something. I mean like straight up I don't want to get out of bed sick.
This is the kind of day when my impressive movie collection comes to good use. Throughout my adult life and lack of cable or satellite in the places I've lived, I've become a pro at digging through the $5 movie bins and finding some real gems. I have everything from Baby Mama to the Harry Potter series, The Holiday to Hocus Pocus, and Pretty in Pink to Hairspray. Its random but I love it.
In trying to keep myself entertained, I once again found myself debating on which movie to watch. The one that popped out at me was Ferris Bueller's Day Off. A true classic that never disappoints.
For anyone that hasn't seen it, I'm embarrassed for you. Not really but you're really missing out. It's one of John Hugh's classic 80's comedies which I seriously love. It's a story about a high school student, Ferris, his girlfriend, Simone, and his best friend, Cameron. Ferris pretends to be sick to get out of going to school (a scenario I know very well) and the 3 embark on an adventure I don't know if I would have the guts to attempt.
Throughout the movie, Cameron is constantly worried about getting caught. At one point, they are sitting in a cab and Cameron says that they need to get back before they get into trouble. In an attempt to make Cameron forget about getting caught Ferris asks him, "what have you seen today?" Cameron then says, "nothing good" which of course offends Ferris and he lists off a list of things they had seen that I for one am jealous of.
This got me thinking.
When things are happening around us, whether good or bad, how are we reacting to them? Are we the one that's reveling in the experiences or are we the one in a panic because we are worried about the bad that might happen? Are we the one who sees the beauty and take it as a learning opportunity, or are we the one that is so worried about the future that we aren't embracing the present?
I can sometimes be both. I tend to live in the past, present, and future.
My life is nothing like I thought it would be. I'm 30 years old, single, living in my home town, working a full time at a job I never thought I would have, and in a weird way I am loving it.
Most people my age, and younger, are married and have babies. Would I love to trade places with them? In a heartbeat. Would I give anything to be in their position as a wife and a mother? Absolutely. But I can't.
All I can do is live my life.
Should I sit around and cry because my prince charming hasn't ridden in on his white horse to rescue me from the village "single"? Should I curse the heavens because I don't have a husband or children? Should I walk around with a scowl of my face just because I don't have the things I thought I would have by now? No.
Being an LDS single adult is no easy task. Especially where I live. The average sized, predominately Mormon town I grew up in, is sometimes a difficult place to re-invent oneself.
I served a mission in an area where Latter-Day Saints were very few and far between and the average marriage age was between 30-40...if not later.
Being 21 and 22 at the time, I thought, dang, I'm practically a baby whereas back home I was hitting "spinster status".
Well, those days are long gone and after a full-time mission, 2 years in Salt Lake and 6 years back in my hometown, here I am. "Spinster status" has come and gone and now we're getting into "Cougar territory".
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to some friends that are in the same situation that I am in. 30's, single, working, and tired of the stigma.
What stigma? I'll tell you.Again, being an LDS single adult is not easy. It doesn't matter if you're divorced or never been married. This is an awkward category to fall into. When you have a conversation with someone, older or younger, especially if you know them, the questions ALWAYS comes up. "So, are you dating anyone?" "Are you doing anything besides working?" or my recent favorite, while looking at my ring-less left hand, "I see you're still not married, what are you up to these days?"
Seriously? Does my life's happiness or the fact that all I really have time for is work, have anything to do with the fact that I'm not married? Sometimes I want to say, "well actually, I've traveled the world, I can spend as long as I want by myself, yes pretty much all I do is work but I get weekends off to do whatever I want, holidays are my favorite because I can buy myself all the presents I want, and I can pick up and go anywhere I want, whenever I want with no one to tell me otherwise. So yeah, I'm single and I love it."
Now, even though it may sound like I'm arrogant, bitter, or angry about my status...or lack thereof, I must clarify.
I want nothing more in this world to be a wife and a mother. I want to see someone light up when I walk in the door. I want someone to promise to be mine forever. I want to see those little faces and hear those little voices call me "mommy". I want to be the shoulder to cry on, the one to kiss the boo-boos, and the one they call to when they have a bad dream.
I want all of those things more than I can explain. But you know what? I don't have them yet. I don't know those feelings yet. And that's ok. I can wait.My testimony that my Heavenly Father does not and will not waiver just because I'm not married. I can have those awkward and annoying conversations with those people because I know that I'm not now, and will never be alone.
If I were to chose to be single for the rest of my life (which I don't) I would not want it to be in any other place than where I am right now.
I have a mom and a dad who love me, brothers and sisters that love me and have given me the cutest 2 nephews and 1 niece on the planet (seriously, the entire planet), and a Heavenly Father and Savior that I know will never let me feel alone if I do my part and seek for the comfort I need. And I know they will be there.
(If you thought I was kidding, here's proof of the cuteness)
Back to Ferris Bueller. Soon after Cameron says that he hadn't seen anything good that day, Ferris highjacks a parade and shows him what it means to see something good. That parade scene is by far one of my favorite moments in any movie I've ever seen. Thousands of people join in on singing and dancing that I seriously can't help smiling when I watch it.
Here's the epic parade scene that will make your dayIn that scene you see Cameron dancing and from there on out, his attitude about life changes. He gains the courage to stand up to people and has a journey of self discovery. He's probably my favorite character in the whole movie.
On days when I feel like I'm being a "Cameron", with a negative attitude, or worrying about the future, I always try to think, "what have you seen today?" If my answer is "nothing good", I hope that I can revel in the beauty around me. I hope that I can gain that courage and have my own journey of self discovery.
I have always tried to see the beauty in life. When I'm feeling sorry for myself I list off the things I'm grateful for:
Family. Friends. Gospel. Job. Home. Being an aunt. My precious alone time. The beauty I've seen all around the world. Peace. Quiet. Learning. Everything.
I am happy. Really.
I am waiting for my turn. But while I do, I'm certainly not feeling sorry for myself.
